Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The grid

Life: Opposition in all things; happiness and sadness
Men's thoughts: paced out, in chunked sections (for the most part)
Women's thoughts: Consistently ongoing, analyzing, mindful

Being on these terms of grounding, has not been easy. Not a road to be traveled nor thought of, unless discipline is absent. Having no job and being put on probation is not making any sense until the thought of this. This perhaps being a prerequisite or in-mind preparation for the fore coming events that will occur. Not an hour goes by without me thinking of her, what she's doing, my concerns for her feelings and I would think why don't I call her or proliferate my communication with her and it comes to the lack of self-mastery. I fear her having to bear my burdens along with her own. How could I be so selfish? Is that not one of the covenants we take upon ourselves at baptism? So what hinders me from making that phone call or pushing myself to have that contact.......I guess a trade in the same sense, if she's going to bear mine, I WANT to bear hers, it's only fair. I'm starting to realize what things I'm taking for granted, like not being so grateful for this genuine soul that is blessing my life all because of her tenacity to exemplify her desires to live a celestial life. I think it's selfishness that keeps me up all hours of the night......really.....why would I be pouring out this thick-inner thoughts at am hours of the day?

She's the closest person to me that understands me, my life, my happenings, fears and jovial moments. How could I not want to talk to her?

I think this is where I recognize yet another imperfection of thoughtlessness. There is no reason for me to NOT call. I will make a change in my life, not just for that but for many reasons that will determine the path of others that come into my life.

I would guess she is wondering why I don't call or am distant, because I have been. How could I do this? But it does make me envisage of why she doesn't call......

I love to see the differences of how we think, and what brightened learning it brings

Woman: "It's cold in here."
Man: "Feels fine to me"
In all hopes, she makes that statement for him to get off his duff and turn up the furnace, get her a blanket, sit next to her to warm her, or just do something to fix the cold. However, he's thinking what he was before the intercession "feels fine to me" came. It was momentarily, not welcome to stay, didn't fit in the current picture. That's why he did nothing, because no action was asked to be carried out. That problem could easily be fixed. She could do it herself, or ask him to do it, simply understood....right? It should be, but isn't. And that's what makes us applicable the vary situations we're in.

A mourning for comprehention to understand; I only hope we are one in knowing all is good and that joy will explode. Please don't stop loving me.

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