Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Break Down Process

Twists and turn in the past couple of weeks. I just found out today of when my last day in the NEG dept here at M* will be. My life is taking upon major changes that have come so sudden. To back up a bit, I have been informed of information that I never knew that influenced and enticed a self-evaluation to take place. As some words were exchanged, I was happy to know that I let my Heavenly Father put me through the breakdown process.

This breakdown was hard but needed to be done in order to prepare the way that has been aforementioned. The first week in November is when my walls crumbled, fell apart and were completely removed from my life. I took the whole day off to spend time with family, or so I thought, but long behold, it was a day of past reflection of who I was, where I went and what caused these feelings and make me the person I wanted to be. Inscrutable occurrences allured meticulous musing, and that’s when I cracked, broke down………I bawled.

In preparation to this process, I had to let it all go and tell Him I can't do it by myself. I had to trust Him 100% before any change would come. Nothing could be confined in me if I knew that I needed to give my will to my Father in Heaven so that my full potential could be incarcerated within the walls of this gift. As I think about it, it’s like the ending in Armageddon. You just can’t shoot a train with a BB gun and expected to change its attitude or course, but it was a great deal of drilling, understanding and……..a desire to make it happen for that rock to change the path.

That’s how it was for me. I had to let many things go and the moment that I did that, my character of being a Child of God was fully realized and that’s when everything that everyone thought about me, became irrelevant. As hard as it was to let go of those insecurities, but my happiness and self-worth was more important and now, I’m happier!
I can honestly say I understand the word wrestle that is used in the Book of Enos……because I’ve been there all because of the Enabling Power of the Atonement.

1 comment:

Angel Images said...

I think we all must get to this point in our lives. When it happens is uncertain, but only we know when the timing is right.

When walls are solid, it takes more work. But with that work we learn about the enabling power of the Atonement and we become stronger for having gone through the experience.

Many times we do not chose the experiences we are going through. But how we deal with them determines who we will, or won't, allow ourselves to become.

You have finally allowed others to see you for who you are, and that led you on a path of discovery. Not only personal discovery, but a path of discovery for someone else.