Frustrations or Learnings?

This time seems to be a stand-still point in my life as I strive to learn of where I need to go and what I need to do. I've been really particular lately about certain aspect pertaining to my life and it is quite the journey this has turned into as I thought that I wouldn't need to look at it so much.

......... new topic...............

I have been cleaning out my room/other places that my stuff has been found in and it's amazing what a person can write at the age they are.

I was looking through this box that I had saved from middle school and high school and came across this letter that I wrote to this girl that I really like in seminary. I completely chased her away because I never saw her again and I'm sure that if I received a letter like that when I was a senior and he was a sophomore, I wouldn't know what to think. That letter I tossed because of the negativity in it. It really wasn't that bad but I was expressing my concern to someone I saw that gave me a chance to let them see who I was......man was I off. The one time Shayla talked to me, she showed interest, and that moment sparked interest that I could very well find a friend in high school. With the letter I attached.........

~*~* You Mean a Lot to Me ~*~*
Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them....when the moment you can feel them under your fingertips you miss them? Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wish you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone that you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...but if you don't you might break theirs. Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn't like. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on it's own and when you least expect it, or ever when you don't want it to, it's bound to happen. Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you have it? Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much....for the fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all. Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever? Or fell for a close friend (maybe a best friend) in the entire world, and then watched him/her fall for someone else? Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid....afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie...the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No on waits forever...but if someone does.......I'll be there for you


**I'll be there**
When no one is there for you and you think that no one cares
**I'll be there**
When the whole world walks out on you and you think that you're alone
**I'll be there**
When the one you care about the most couldn't careless about you
**I'll be there**
When the one you gave your heart to and throws it in your face
**I'll be there**
When the person you trusted betrayed you
**I'll be there**
When the person you share all your memories with and even forgets your birthday
**I'll be there**
When all your need is a friend and someone to listen to you whine
**I'll be there**
When all your need is someone to catch your tears
**I'll be there**
When your heart hurts so bad and you can't even breathe
**I'll be there**
When you just want to crawl up and die and when you start to cry
**I'll be there**
After hearing that sad song or when the tears just won't stop falling
**I'll be there**
So you see **I'll be there** for you and this is a promise I can make if you ever need me just give me a call and............**I'll be there**

I think about this experience and what it entails. I had a recent conversation with a friend about the removal of walls and the fundamentals of what it can do for us The mighty change of heart that is bound to happen when you accompany your desire to desecrate these wall and the will of the Lord, the moment verifies the action of blessings to be poured upon us because I no longer become the victim of being acted upon. What a miracle that is in itself to see that we become agents unto ourselves and the purpose of life no longer evolves around us.