At a loss for words

Do you ever feel like you have a multitude of words to express yourself but in the attempt to say them, you're bound?

That's how I feel right now. There are so many happenings in my life right now, I wish I could understand them all. Some are life threatening and others you just want to disperse because they appear irrelevant to life? My efforts to understand seem disproportionate because as much as I strive to know what means what, nothing comes. The topics of study I chose, appear to be beaten to a pulp do to the lack of familiarity but I come to believe it's not that but a mear mote that's not connecting the last thought to the blessing. That's my struggle.

Repeated attempts to broaden my knowledge seems to show but never seems to feel complete, well at least to me.

I always find myself finishing these entries days at a time, cut apart in thought and still wonder why I'm sitting here writing. I'm not much of a writer but I do enjoy sharing those particles of information I've been handed thru lengthy processes.

What is everything coming to? Is it me or time? Can the key be understood before it should be?
In my mind, it would help because then you can better prepare yourself for the upcoming events but in a way still learn from them. I myself, still have a multitude of learning's to be had but I stumble with progression, ease and appreciation for the want of being. How my mind processes the things it does, also amazes me but how is it that it sounds so well at speaking but yet bluntly deranged?

A lot of self-evalutation is brought about and there are many things that I'm learning but yet fearing that learning.