Did You or I..... say this?

I wanted You and now You…have lost Me. You’ll never understand that I can see IT in Your ever so transparent eyes, now You want Me but You left Me broken-hearted. The only thing I wanted was for You to love Me, I can’t even have that and now You don't mean a thing to Me. Finally, I can smile again without faking it. You don't know what it was about Me, I guess You wanted what You couldn't have. I can't miss what I don’t know about and I thought You were worth My tears, but now I think and know differently. I talk about Us to others and now You realize what You are missing out on because of the comment made by others. I can laugh again without worry. Now I'm better and I'm well again. Were You worth My tears? For the One I loved, shouldn't have made Me cry. That which doesn't kill Me, can and will make Me stronger. Now I've met some one who loves Me more fully and how dare You feel jealous when you see Us together. But I can make a mock of You about it just because You forsook Me, but now I'm alive again. So all I can say is You lost Me as a friend, and My love is no longer...

Now it shouldn't matter whether I said this to someone, or it was said to me or that it was even said...All I can express is there is pain out there somewhere. And if amends should be made, let it so be.

We cannot escape from this chaotic world nor can we run from it. But the beauty we can all learn from it, is that it's a time of learning, teaching, exploring and most of all....preparing. Encounters that we find ourselves in happen so often for hundreds of unknown reasons, except....for the one purpose in which we were supposed to be taught. I don't care what pond I'm in, why I'm there or what the effect it...all I care about is whether I made my decision to drop into the place I was called so that the ripple affect my be initiated and that it may take effect for the purposed intented by the Master.

The innocence’s of a child

I had a run today for work and I found myself stuck behind, what I would have guessed was a 6 or 7 year old little girl walking on the dirt road. Down in Salt Lake, I had to make a drop off and when I was finished, I had to go the way I came in. She was walking ever so softly on top of the peaks once created by the fissures of a duly tire. I didn’t mind one bit as she took step after step, smashing down what she could with her size 7 shoes. I had no doubt she was telling a story or singing a tune but for that moment, I had laid my eyes of a pure creation of God’s handy work. This moment in my life had no time to it, nor was it rushed. I pleasantly kept my foot lightly applied to the brake as to follower her at the same pace her little heart beat was drumming to. As I rounded the corner, she then noticed that I had been following her in this ginormus 24 ft box truck, and to her dismay, she happily smiled and went on her way.

Finding myself next on the freeway, I start to inch past this school bus. At the pace I was headed, I couldn’t help but to pull funny faces and play with the children only feet away but yet, in two separate vehicles. The little boy smiled and waved as I made a funny face. Children these days…….

My other experience I’ll leave for the journal. What a blessing it is to be put in the right place at the right time to meet the right people to help them for the right reasons. Hopefully I’ll bring my new friend to church soon. Andy is Awesome!!

nothing new

nothing big in my life is occuring right now and i wonder if i'm going where i should be going. i do have a passion to go where i want to go but the time it takes to get there is putting me in a perplexed state. much musing is needed...

1 Comment

Interestingly enough, I sparked an individual to challenge my word verbiage. In a life long journey to build my story (in preparation to becoming a motivaltional speaker), I've come to the census that my statement I have made once before is true..."If you want to be understood, use words people can understand." When the correct resource is valid, (http://www.m-w.com/) phrases can be understood.

For instance; Veracity - truthfulness, Salacious - lustful, Precatory - wishfull thinking or expressing a wish.

Now, I haven't the faintest idea of who this individual is and that's ok. For all I know, I could know them well and they know me, or on the flipside, they haven't ever met me and bless their heart, they return to my blog for enjoyment.

The moments that I wish to stretch myself in the very aspect of expounding my lexicon (vocabulary), I feel is the purpose of my writing. My sister even questioned my blog as she said, "Trevor, why don't you ever talk that way? You don't even know what they mean..." I took the time to educate her, she believed me that I knew what I was talking about. I have contemplated many a time that I should start another blog and conform those standards to the worlds take on speaking.

There is a guy that I work with that related a story to me concerning language. His brother's mind has become so tainted with vulgarity that every other word is f*** this and f*** that. I have witnessed this first hand with a friend of mind in middle school. I bet him he couldn't last 20 mins with out swearing. He lasted 4 1/2 mins. When the a** word slipped, with in 1 more second, the s*** and f*** words followed abruptly because that language to him was habitual. Honestly, what more beauty could you ask for when you find an english word that explains the feelings you can't explain?

Im grateful that someone not only takes the time to leave a comment for what I write but just to take the time to read I greatly appreciate. I guess this can be a turning point and maybe I'll leave my verbose writing for my journal...cause no one ever reads that. Also to the individual that left the comment, I've like to know who you are and if you wish not to tell, that's ok too.

I think not.

Reminiscing in the veracity of salacious seconds clicking to the drum beat of my heart, consumption of closure to characterized aspects has turned the tide. A musing attitude clearly conforms to my instinctive (and/or carnal) mind to initiate the perpetual process of reforming my productive thinking.

Tasting the sound of vibrant sentiments floating about really provides me the opportunity to vastly assist in an unknown atmosphere that I’m not quite yet assure of but yet, I completely know it’s the perfect simulation for further events to take place.

On a less likely to be taken serious note, what a challenge life events have brought forth to me in this stage of my life. I find myself in certain situations that in my mind could easily be precatory or even preparatory. I would hope that it’s in my favor and I’m not going to let a doubt precede my character, for it is supernal and ethereal. Recent happenings in my life tend to be both a chance to learn or to teach and given that blessing in both aspects, there isn’t more I could ask for right now. Solidifying exactness in His will places a sure testimony that I’m reckoned in precision placement. Being able to clearly understand that this has been a quest of it’s own but fulfilling through His eyes, purely gives me the undergoing of a pristine growth.

It’s not too often that I’m granted a chance that I feel I have control over. Seeing that I have been given an assignment to have a greater stewardship over certain individuals, this is the time I see for the work of the Lord to shine as men step up to do their best. Granted, at times they will talk with levity or jokingly but really, what an awesome learning experience it can turn out to be for those around him and also the best for himself. When right intentions are understood, great knowledge comes into play, but if it’s looked past with ease, the lesson to be learned has been forfeited. Someone that is in everyone’s life is there for a reason, what do you think?

Chance…. I think not.

My Ineffablity

It happened so quick
I’m miss understood
No one really sees me
As they really should

Not a moment went by
That I thought in my mind
So many people around
A sore eye and blind

I keep pushing forward
All the ways that I know
But even that itself
Will never make it flow

Reacting the moment
Knowing who I am
Another kick to the face
And with gravity a slam

The past is gone
And the moment I cry
Really makes me wonder
Could this mean goodbye?

It happened so quick
I’m miss understood
No one really sees me
As they really should

A Miss Understanding.

At times, I really don't think I'm meant to be understood.

Blank

Standing still in patient moments in my life tends to end my security and my pillows tend to become wet. Musing on pivotal twinkles of life, reflections are pertinent to the very bearing of where I am going. A quote by a man of God stated after being asked about how to help wayward children, ”Don’t forget about the children that ARE doing what they should be doing.” Recalling experiences in my life, what a path I have traveled to be where I’m at today. My capricious wonderment of my potential has always concluded to elevated amazement and nothing short notorious thoughts. Ramifications I’ll never comprehend are slowing coming to fruition, but yet how do I know that they are to be? Certain blessings in my life has given me direction as to what I need to do in order to become exalted but yet has left me at the crossroads that don’t stop forking just as I believe I have arrived at my destination. Being this emotional has brought feelings that I haven’t ever had before as past feelings once again reverberate in my mind and life. Daily, I ponder hundreds of problems, ideas, thoughts and feelings pertaining to my reasoning of why I’m here at this time. I have a sliver of knowledge of what I did to be placed here at this time, but in return, I have a gargantuan gamut of what I should (supposed to) be doing but not always clear of how to get there, and that’s ok……

Sudden Changes.

A promised blessing:

Everyday will be a day of learning or a day of teaching........

What I learned today is that Heavenly Father is ever so mindful of each of his children. As I sat there with my foot on the brake pedal, I watch this lady in front of me shuffle vigorously for who knows what in her purse. I still sat there as the light turned green, watching her ruffle through her purse and then she takes her foot off the brake pedal 1.5 complete seconds after the light had turned green. Watching the mooting of this lady, I then saw God's hand in her life when all the sudden this little toyota pick-up runs right through the red light. No more than 12 inches of matter passed between these vehicles.

".....this dude is so set in his ways!" Benny replies. Trevor interuppts, "There is a word for that called ossified." "You're too smart to be here Trevor!" Eric exclaims.

All I asked was to fit in and be understood. Oft it feels I'm living in a notional world, but IT is too true be fictional. I may feel I am negligible at times, but, without a doubt, permentantly you will find me being mercurial.

Is it all gone?

betrayal : to lead astray

bereft : lacking something needed, wanted, or expected

irrevocable : not possible to revoke

"........you'll never find these in them nor try to seek that they have done these actions, Me Dear." Congruency is always implicit. Binding factors to allocate any intentions to meliorate life's situations is the best thing one can do. Circumstances at hand will always remonstrate one to ponder for either a nano-second or for a season to only excuse time and proliferate a needed additional knowledge.

Experiences will no longer determine my expectations as they have in the past but will entice me to further my understanding of what it will take to defer my will and exhaust my wants to be in the right place at the right time for once. Drubbed excessively, reiteration banned.

A yt thnk thy msndrstd m.