My Insiders

Selling the Jeep

2011-04-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

Well Plotted Life Event

2011-01-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

In the realm in which God allows us to exist by our choice, He would not let us journey to an unknown place without some form of communication nor direction. Life as we know it, has opposition in all things. Whether good or bad, there is a consequence for all actions that take place and provide a path that is always being traveled. As many choices come in all forms, it ultimately comes down to us, what we want and where we want to go. This past November, I had two close friends take their next step into their progressional state in which God intends for all of us.

An outline of what we believe, being The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there was a pre-earth life state as to where we lived prior to receiving a physical body and begin our probational stage here on earth. In order to obtain the privilege of having a body, we had to choose for our selves what we believed in. When we decided that we believed that Jesus is the Christ, accepted His offer and would be the one to sacrifice all for us, we then were granted the blessing of getting a body to house our spirit.

With this life being full of choices and obligations mandating our actions, we must learn to understand the curve of taming our natural man tendencies. Any natural man tendencies are inclinations that are easy decisions to make or take little to no effort in doing. Intentions to become successful are always easy to think about but when it comes to execution upon that desire of success, it becomes a lot harder. It takes little to no effort in thought or actions when the natural man takes control.

When both Matt Rothey and Grandpa Wendall Hansen passed away, more comfort was present because of the knowledge I have of the Plan of Salvation in which our Father in heaven provided us in order to have a way to return to Him. In Gods plan and timing all things come together. At certain times we may not have the best ken of why what is happening or the principles that are to be learned, but all in due time, we will succeed at knowing that God loves us and we are His child. Not only that, but we will also come to know our purpose in which we will know why we are here, and what we need to accomplish. Some of those things are steward ships, others may be leadership or following those called to serve.

The reason I bring all this up is that we are all apart of something far more greater that some of us may understand at certain times. World War II was from 1941 to 1945. In those four years, Grandpa Hansen served in the military as a radar reader. The all seeing eye as some would say that would give them a leg up on the enemy was an interesting way to hear someone put gospel terms in the military. I’m sure that that happens but it was one of the first times it had clicked in my mind.

Hear TAPS being played as Grandpa laid to rest, the first and second note weren’t that bad, but the third caused me to weep in my cold, worn shoes. At that very moment, I recalled what went through my mind when Grandpa heard where I was called for my mission. I proudly took my letter from the prophet where it stated that I was called to serve in the Philippines Baguio Mission and will speak Tagalog. He said to me, “how great is that. . .?! I liberated them so you could go and teach them.” Out of 65 grandchildren, I am the only one thus far to serve where Grandpa served all for one great cause. . . to free the children of God from bondage. With wet eyes while typing this leads me to believe that there will always be a desire to serve those around me, recognize the past that permits my progression and everything has a purpose.

The Plan of Salvation is so perfect. I love it.

You must take "it" at times...

2010-10-03T10:25:00.000-07:00

Meekness ranks so low on the mortal scale of things, yet so high on God's quoted Elder Maxwell in a talk given about being Meek and Lowly. I have always loved this topic of study by this man because of the experiences I've had in life that portray a glimpse of what I've experienced at times. Because I will be quoting Elder Maxwell so often in this entry I just want the reader to know I will put it in parentheses. He speaks of the life in which we must live in order to obtain this Christ-like attribute which is hard to obtain but yet its sweetness is like none other. Even though at times, the pathway to be meek and lowly cause pain, the end result is far above those praises of mankind. (Meekness is needed, therefore, in order for us to be spiritually successful-...living in "thanksgiving daily" is actually possible even in life's stern seasons). An experience that happened to my wife and I the other night, we were coming home from the store driving about 30mph in a 25mph zone. This man is standing out in the parking strip of his property flashing a light at our vehicle as we drive by. I tell Cars, he may need some help and flip around. As I approach this old man in his 50's, I roll down my window and ask, "do you need some help sir?" "YES! You need to slow down!" he replied. I share with him that I was going 30mph and understand it's a residential area. He then proceeded, "Yes, it's 5 mph faster than the speed limit!" I have no idea of this gentleman's motive but whatever it may be, simple we must take it at times. So often, I wondered to myself, when Elder Maxwell stated, "He or she will have to "take it" at times."

I always asked myself...what does it mean to "take it" at times?

My definition: To swallow any pride while in the midst of an undeserved comeuppance.

Such experiences of mine when having to "take it" was at a young age. Late 1980's, my sister and I were playing with matches and caused a house fire. At the age of Four, the blame was put on me even thought I did not do the act of starting the fire. My father being patient with me, took me by the hand, walked down the stairs to the basement and with a room full of black charcoal and ash every said to me, "look what you did."

Another time, I was on my way home from a Jr. Jazz game. I was getting a ride from some friends of mine and as we stopped at the light, we saw a kid whom we just played and won, was getting physically abused. In the misted of the yelling of the mom of my friends, while my friends were pointing and laughing and I just sat there sad for this boy, next week I found this Mom pushing us in the direction to apologize for laughing and pointing and unsportsman-like conduct. As a 10 year old boy, I asked myself why I needed to apologize for pointing and laughing that wasn't done by me.

When I read the talks by Elder Maxwell, I know that he has suffered such experiences that helped him understand the pathways to discipleship.

Often I know that we experiences hardships and misery to help us grow but how else will we know what God wants us to become if we don't walk his paths. The very act of choosing to have a valid source of integrity comes within yourself. Integrity is the act of doing 'it', because 'it' is the right thing to do, all the time. Being able to make decisions that change the course of our lives gives us the better opportunity to refine our characters that once came from a more exalted sphere. The glimpse of heaven can be seen here on earth as Elder Kimball once said, "heaven can be in a hogan or a tent...for heaven is of our own making." I would add that it's up to us to ensure that we choose to see with the eyes of faith, to see how our Father in heaven sees us, not as the world gauges reputation.

Sometimes, we just have to 'take it' at times.

Rekindling the Fire.

2010-08-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

My wonderful wife has been helping me get back in the habit of reading regularly. So far I've tackled 3-4 books this year and right now I'm reading the Bio of Elder Neal A. Maxwell. When I listen to this Disciple of Christ speak on many occasions, I can't help but to think of the refining moments that he went through in order to get where he ended up. Starting off at such a young age, he served time in the military before his mission. The deferring moment in his life when he knelt in prayer both in solace and selfishness for his life to be spared. When bomb shells should have landed on top of him because the exactness that the enemy had solved where his whereabouts where, he knelt in a fox hole just big enough for him to be protected, that very moment he dedicated his life to God, if He would spare him. I often think of how many times I have offered prayer in pleading cases where if I would get help, I too would change my ways and make better habits come about. One of the big differences between Elder Maxwell and myself, is he was genuine when he offered such a prayer. I've been striving to make changes in my life and dedicate more of my time, talents and interest to the Lord and He has seen fit to bless me with. I know that I am being prepared for those blessings to come and I can only strive to prepare myself so when He is willing to take a chance with me, I'll be ready.

When someone takes for granted, the simple beauties of life, they miss out on understanding the love God has for them and fails to understand the meaning of being a Child of God. When one comes to understand that he or she is a Child of God, and the take that understand with them as they pray with fervent minds, they become closer to being one with God as He is with his Son. As it states in the Bible Dictionary, " Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them." I am reminded of the scripture found in Luke 13:34 as it states, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!" Just maybe this verse applies to us speaking in the manner of gathering together (being you and your heavenly Father) for a meliorated conversation that becomes bilateral. I personally feel at times that I forget that prayer is a two-way conversation. Oft, I speak in prayer...but am still training to listen. I also even pray that I will recognize the voice of the spirit and not only hear it, but act accordingly to do so. It may be a hard feat to try but asking heavenly Father for ultimate submission. Ask Him if there is anything in your life that you have done wrong and if so, bring it to your attention so that you make fix it and make things right. I know it's not an easy feat, but the growth is ineffable.

One large problem of most people comes from the deviation of time allotment. People aways say, "I don't have time to do that." What I hear them say is, "I choose to not use my time with that object or task." We all have enough time to do whatever we want. However, it comes down to us choosing to use our time in such a way that is pleasing unto the demands of society, life, family, work and the various assignments we are given.

After reading part of this Bio of Elder Maxwell, I find myself doing things that I want in a book if someone were to write about me. If someone came to me and said, "Trevor, I would love to write a book about you and what you did from the time you got married to the time you finished school." I would hope that I could give them substance and credibility. My wife is the most helpful person in my life that helps give me more meaning to life then ever before. She is smart, intelligent, self-sustaining, humorous, loving, care-giving and passionate. She has helped my rekindle my fire when it comes to reading and I love her for that, plus all sorts of other things too. :)

Best Things Take Priority

2010-07-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

As many have come to know, I have recently gotten married. It by far has been the best decision I have ever made!!! I know that some people think it's one of the biggest decisions to make, which it is, however, it's no different than others that I have made. I have been blessed with many unique gifts and though those gifts are sacred, I know that when it comes to communicating with my Father in heaven, it's no different than communicating with anyone else. Of course, His timing is different than typical conversations because when you are engaged in conversing, there is instant replying, answering and question asking. When I prayed and asked my Father in heaven if he agreed with my decision to marry Carlee, it was a conversation that was completely understood. I've never asked Heavenly Father what to do, I've always made my choice, and then taken it to Him and ask Him if he agrees with my decision. There have been times that I didn't know what to do and had to make a decision that I never got an answer to, however, if it wasn't the best choice for me, He provided a way for me to remedy the situation and return to modern life.

I think about the constant nourishment I try to provide my wife in all that I do and say. Oft times I find myself trying to critique my lexicon to ensure that it comes out the way I want it to instead of being taken the wrong way. When I say something that can be taken two ways, I mean the for the lesser to be taken. I never will have the heart to do evil to anyone even though I have my moments about joking to beat up some 13 year old kid that stole $3,000 worth of personal belongings. If I ever have the chance to meet the kid, chances are I'll give him an opportunity to make things right before his life ends up in a less fortunate path.

I've always tried to have the heart to forgive and forget because I too hope that's the case when judgement day comes for me. I have no greater fear than to not be able to stand blameless before my Father in heaven and have to answer to Him for the unkind things I've said or done. I've think one of the greatest gifts I've been blessed with is to be a constant forgiver. As many people don't understand how the atonement came to fruition, I've had dreams that I can't explain but fully understand how it works and how great the purpose is when in use. The atonement is not only for people seeking forgiveness, but also for the forgiver. The forgiver needs the atonement just as much as the forgivee. The application of both the forgiver and forgivee need to understand that without the atonement, neither party can be justified. Just as any law needs to be justified, in any case, there must be opposition in all things.

As aforementioned about opposition in all things, there were times that I needed to just have a moment and muse about those deferring choices that were about to be made. Sure at times I felt like I was at peace just as much as times the adversary was working on me telling me that I needed to stay single...forever. That was something that I just could not swallow. I've lived my whole life in hopes to some day share with my kids why I made the choices I did, and yes, to strut my ego, there were times I made those decisions just so I could say, well if I did it, so can you! I won't lie, it was hard choosing some of the paths that I did, but was it worth not ever compromising my standards, you bet it was. I know I've said it once but I'll say it again, God recognizes character, Man recognizes reputation. On the flip side, if you validate your character with worrying more about Him and less about them, those who seek to find your reputation will only reckon that it's character they seem to find.

I don't have much more to say other than I am loving my married life and look forward to forever with Carlee, she truly is the love of my life!

Lastest News of my Life

2010-02-26T08:08:00.000-08:00

I couldn't help but to think of how much fun Moab, UT was going to be knowing that I was going to ask Carlee Hamblin to marry for time and all eternity in the House of the Lord.

We ended up on top of a mountain overlooking God's beautiful creation. I wrote a story book for Carlee and created the perfect moment to propose to her. Check out this custom ring my buddy made! (Aaron's Jewelry)

There isn't a more wonderful act than showing your love through Diamonds!! I'm kidding. Carlee knows from experience that a ring can not and will not validate my love for her. So, I am now the luckiest man alive. Engaged Feb 12, 2010 and we have a date of March 26th, 2010...yes...six weeks later, we will be starting our own family!

A legacy to be told.

2009-12-28T10:36:00.000-08:00

JOSH AND JENNY Click it.

The keen sense of comfort often come from those that we love and hold close to our hearts. For many of us it's family, friends and even the Savior. Being an amateur composer, I find myself wanting to be surrounded by those who have been affected and in return want to be a causing effect.

The ripple effect in life is something that most of us, if not all of us should be challenged to live by. In this video the statements of "You are my kind of beautiful" and "you give me the feelings people write novels about" and "true love does not come by finding the perfect person but by learning to see in imperfect person perfectly" are passionate disciplinary actions that cause someone to be somebody.

Josh and Jenny are those types of people that help me see more to life than what life it self has to offer. Society is what life has to offer you, people like Josh and Jenny that contribute to society the way that society doesn't contribute shows you there is more to life...than life.

Josh, I will never forget the memories we had together and now is your time to take the next step in your progression and help those, who may not be able to help themselves.

Far too long.

2009-10-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

I guess that it has been awhile since I have scribbled on this e-stream of life. A lot has happened but not much to talk about and I guess that's the reason I don't write much on here.

I sure do have a lot going on in my life but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm working a full time job, running a part time business, starting up another business, going to school and caring for a newly purchased house. On top of that, someone has come into my life in the past couple of months and I met her in my new ward. What an amazing individual! The way she has lived her life makes me want to be a better person and always has a positive influence on my actions. I was previously attending a singles ward out in West Haven but after 3 years of unsuccessful attempts at meeting someone within the ward to date, it was time for a change. I'm now attending a singles ward in South Weber and what a positive change that has been for me. I really like the ward and it's given me a soft break to not have so much responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I'm dedicated to the work but it sure does wear one out when an average Sunday for a 21 year old guy, spends 5-7 hrs at church dealing with responsibilities, however, I miss the blessings that are accompanied with such an arduous path to become better than I can make myself.

I'm excited to embark on my new proliferated path of marketing my website (and doing a complete overhaul of the site). The amazing possibilities there are when you have the right person doing their "thang" and small fascination sure do go a long ways.

**The rest is classified**

Goals

2008-12-20T00:25:00.001-08:00

The first goal I can ruminate about would be at the age of 8 when I was baptized on Oct 10, 1992, in hand with my Heavenly Fathers will. I decided at that age that I would prepare myself to the best of my ability to be ready by the time I turned 19. 11 years prior, the decision had been made for me to server a mission so when I turned 19, there was no contemplating whether I was going to go or not.

I understood that I was going to need His help when preparing to do his work and it’s a life long goal that I’ll never forget setting because it was a joyful moment for him to see that I did everything in my capacity to ready myself for such a once….I say once in an eternity opportunity a mission as an Elder and have the same title as a General Authority.

A small quote I would like to pull from a talk back in 1974 from President Kimball, he states, “Every boy should have been saving money for his mission and be free from any and all entanglements so he will be worthy. When he is returned from his mission at 21, he should feel free to begin to get acquainted and to date. When he has found the right young woman, there should be a proper temple marriage. One can have all the blessings if he is in control and takes the experiences in proper turn: first some limited social get-acquainted contacts, then his mission, then his courting, then his temple marriage and his schooling and his family, then his life’s work. In any other sequence he could run into difficulty.”
I can’t help but to plan my life accordingly as He would have me do so. As I pray to Him and talk to Him as if He were standing in front of me, I see that my relationship, friendship and stewardship seamlessly grow rapidly as I see His work in my prayerful consideration to accompany my desires to into His will by bearing His burden which is spoken in Moses 1:39, for if I am not lifting His burden thru missionary work, I’m at fault for not upholding my baptismal covenants I made at the age of 8.

So, upon making my goals, I list the pro’s and con’s of each goal. After I have done that, and have weighed out my decision, I then take it to Him in mighty prayer, which is proceeded by countless hours of ruminating and musing to ensure that I’ve done all that I can do, so that I may receive revelation from Him and know that I’m doing what is right and that He agrees with me.

I'm a Democrat because I'm a Mormon

2008-12-14T20:25:00.000-08:00

To many, it sounds like a contradiction in terms: a Mormon Democrat. People regularly ask me how I reconcile my religious beliefs with my political opinions, shocked that a good Mormon girl would throw her support behind such a scandalous party. Believe it or not, being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints doesn't automatically make one an ardent member of the GOP, even in Utah. In fact, it's my religious beliefs about compassion and generosity that have made me liberal.

The LDS Church's official position has long been one of political neutrality, endorsing neither major political party. When the church takes one of its rare official political stances, it is always on a particular issue and should not be misconstrued as support of one party or one political ideology. Mormon leaders constantly encourage all followers, regardless of party, to become involved in politics, vote and run for office when possible. Yet many believe that to be LDS, you have to be Republican. It's just not true-if anything, the Democratic Party more closely adheres to basic Christian values.

Obviously, individual Mormons hold different views about the same beliefs, just as members of the Democratic Party take a wide variety of positions. But many elements of liberal politics are principles central to the gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: social welfare, the environment, the role of government, the balance between business and the community. I'm not a Democrat in spite of my religion-I'm a Democrat because of my religion.

A core principle of most religions is a basic sense of compassion for the poor. In fact, most religions view poverty as a symbol of humility and strength, while wealth is seen as a moral failing vice that brings pride and unrighteousness. Yet many on the far right treat the poor as lazy, regarding wealth as a sign of character. Mormons are counseled to work toward a society in which "there are no poor among us." Democrats make social assistance a priority in a way that other parties do not. In many ways, liberals see the government as a useful tool that, when used correctly, can improve life for everyone.

One reason many people assume Mormons must be conservative may be so-called moral issues, like abortion or same-sex marriage. But Joseph Smith taught that matters of conscience should not be regulated but instead, taught through principle by example, letting others choose whether to follow. To me, such issues become peripheral when I examine basic ideological differences about the role of government-to create opportunity and help everyone succeed.

The LDS religion teaches of a basic human responsibility to help and lift others in righteousness and knowledge. It, therefore, makes sense to support a political party that makes social programs a priority. A government that fails to provide for its weakest members is not only destined for failure-it's morally depraved.

Conservatives often maintain that anyone willing to work hard should be able to earn a decent living. But economically, the playing field has never been level. In fact, Mormon scripture emphasizes that worldly goods are gifts from God because of his generosity, not our entitlement. Consequently, my religious views teach me that I have an inherent duty to give to people around me-everything I have is not mine at all, but a gift given to share.

The United States can have a healthy economy without deserting the less fortunate, such as the sick, the poor, the elderly and the homeless. Perpetual handouts are not the answer, but there are countless underprivileged Americans who need help with everything from job training to child care to adequate health-care coverage.

Many conservatives claim social programs are inefficient, and they are right to want to curb waste. Waste can be reduced without deserting social responsibility. It's important to remember the point: we're here to help each other. One of Christ's most basic messages was about giving without thought of reward. It follows that many Christians would feel a sense of social responsibility to give for the collective good.

The most basic of religious principles is that individuals have a responsibility to take care of themselves and a responsibility to help others. Many conservatives have bizarrely distorted self reliance into selfishness, maintaining that you are only responsible for yourself. As a Mormon, it's frightening to see selfishness treated as a virtue-I believe we can take care of ourselves without abandoning those around us.

Republicans are often anti government and pro-business, which makes sense in moderation. Obviously, excessive government power must be curbed and reasonable economic growth should be encouraged. But the LDS Church has a long tradition of strength in community-Mormons know the power that comes when a committed group of people works together to lift the less fortunate. To view money or economic development as the ultimate aim of every political undertaking is grossly misguided-the mission of life and of government is much larger than that. Religion involves a basic sense of decency and social liberals adhering to the belief that it's more important to lend a helping hand than to be rich.

Another basic LDS belief is that as humans, we are stewards over the earth with a responsibility to guard and tend. From a religious perspective, it follows that we should do what we can to preserve the earth instead of exploit it. Typically, Republicans are against environmental regulations because they worry laws could hinder industry. But if I believe the earth is a sacred creation that I'm responsible to look after, it makes sense that preserving its glory would be a higher priority than shortsighted economic development.

Economically, liberals have a more balanced plan for the country than the conservative free-market-fixes-all approach. In his book, Approaching Zion, Hugh Nibley discusses how many Republicans view an ideal economy as purely capitalist, a survival of the fittest in which anything goes. In such a system, the weak, the frail, the sick and the poor will rightfully die off because they will not have the strength to flourish-a remarkable contrast to the parable of Christ seeking after one lost sheep.

Obviously, all views of Mormonism don't match up with all views of the Democratic Party. In fact, I commend the LDS Church's neutral stance that individuals should study the issues, make their own political decisions and act accordingly. Neither party will complement any church on every issue. Yet I see many liberal views directly in line with LDS principles.

I'm a Democrat because I'm a Mormon and I believe in loving our neighbors and in helping the less fortunate. I believe in a wise, balanced stewardship of the earth and that I have a responsibility to share what I have with others. I believe government can be a powerful tool for good and we can be self reliant without being selfish. To be liberal and Mormon is not only possible,it's practical, it's compassionate and it's principled.

I really don't think that this lady could have put it any other better way. I've been ridiculed for the same choice but I think she has explained it better than anyone else I've ever heard...you go Sister.

Again?

2008-12-06T23:30:00.000-08:00

No interest,
no love,
no time,
no fate,
no cure,
no predestined,
no talk,

not even for you.

No comment,
no path,
no look,
no right,
no connection,
no feeling,
no date,

not even for you.

No ken,
no heart,
no intention,
no trust,
no desire,
no hope,
no confidence,

not even for you.

No thought,
no chance,
no opportunity,
no risk,
no support
no luck,

Not even for You Trevor.

Lost causes and false dreams are only the initiation of what I wrap myself around. Are my expectations really exceeding that which I find to bring me happiness and joy? But I can't even find that. Figure 8's and short oval tracks are what I find myself running on....far too often...why don't they have pitstops?

Did You or I..... say this?

2008-11-27T17:21:00.000-08:00

I wanted You and now You…have lost Me. You’ll never understand that I can see IT in Your ever so transparent eyes, now You want Me but You left Me broken-hearted. The only thing I wanted was for You to love Me, I can’t even have that and now You don't mean a thing to Me. Finally, I can smile again without faking it. You don't know what it was about Me, I guess You wanted what You couldn't have. I can't miss what I don’t know about and I thought You were worth My tears, but now I think and know differently. I talk about Us to others and now You realize what You are missing out on because of the comment made by others. I can laugh again without worry. Now I'm better and I'm well again. Were You worth My tears? For the One I loved, shouldn't have made Me cry. That which doesn't kill Me, can and will make Me stronger. Now I've met some one who loves Me more fully and how dare You feel jealous when you see Us together. But I can make a mock of You about it just because You forsook Me, but now I'm alive again. So all I can say is You lost Me as a friend, and My love is no longer...

Now it shouldn't matter whether I said this to someone, or it was said to me or that it was even said...All I can express is there is pain out there somewhere. And if amends should be made, let it so be.

We cannot escape from this chaotic world nor can we run from it. But the beauty we can all learn from it, is that it's a time of learning, teaching, exploring and most of all....preparing. Encounters that we find ourselves in happen so often for hundreds of unknown reasons, except....for the one purpose in which we were supposed to be taught. I don't care what pond I'm in, why I'm there or what the effect it...all I care about is whether I made my decision to drop into the place I was called so that the ripple affect my be initiated and that it may take effect for the purposed intented by the Master.

The innocence’s of a child

2008-10-15T22:32:00.000-07:00

I had a run today for work and I found myself stuck behind, what I would have guessed was a 6 or 7 year old little girl walking on the dirt road. Down in Salt Lake, I had to make a drop off and when I was finished, I had to go the way I came in. She was walking ever so softly on top of the peaks once created by the fissures of a duly tire. I didn’t mind one bit as she took step after step, smashing down what she could with her size 7 shoes. I had no doubt she was telling a story or singing a tune but for that moment, I had laid my eyes of a pure creation of God’s handy work. This moment in my life had no time to it, nor was it rushed. I pleasantly kept my foot lightly applied to the brake as to follower her at the same pace her little heart beat was drumming to. As I rounded the corner, she then noticed that I had been following her in this ginormus 24 ft box truck, and to her dismay, she happily smiled and went on her way.

Finding myself next on the freeway, I start to inch past this school bus. At the pace I was headed, I couldn’t help but to pull funny faces and play with the children only feet away but yet, in two separate vehicles. The little boy smiled and waved as I made a funny face. Children these days…….

My other experience I’ll leave for the journal. What a blessing it is to be put in the right place at the right time to meet the right people to help them for the right reasons. Hopefully I’ll bring my new friend to church soon. Andy is Awesome!!

nothing new

2008-09-21T20:39:00.000-07:00

nothing big in my life is occuring right now and i wonder if i'm going where i should be going. i do have a passion to go where i want to go but the time it takes to get there is putting me in a perplexed state. much musing is needed...

1 Comment

2008-08-04T09:56:00.000-07:00

Interestingly enough, I sparked an individual to challenge my word verbiage. In a life long journey to build my story (in preparation to becoming a motivaltional speaker), I've come to the census that my statement I have made once before is true..."If you want to be understood, use words people can understand." When the correct resource is valid, (http://www.m-w.com/) phrases can be understood.

For instance; Veracity - truthfulness, Salacious - lustful, Precatory - wishfull thinking or expressing a wish.

Now, I haven't the faintest idea of who this individual is and that's ok. For all I know, I could know them well and they know me, or on the flipside, they haven't ever met me and bless their heart, they return to my blog for enjoyment.

The moments that I wish to stretch myself in the very aspect of expounding my lexicon (vocabulary), I feel is the purpose of my writing. My sister even questioned my blog as she said, "Trevor, why don't you ever talk that way? You don't even know what they mean..." I took the time to educate her, she believed me that I knew what I was talking about. I have contemplated many a time that I should start another blog and conform those standards to the worlds take on speaking.

There is a guy that I work with that related a story to me concerning language. His brother's mind has become so tainted with vulgarity that every other word is f*** this and f*** that. I have witnessed this first hand with a friend of mind in middle school. I bet him he couldn't last 20 mins with out swearing. He lasted 4 1/2 mins. When the a** word slipped, with in 1 more second, the s*** and f*** words followed abruptly because that language to him was habitual. Honestly, what more beauty could you ask for when you find an english word that explains the feelings you can't explain?

Im grateful that someone not only takes the time to leave a comment for what I write but just to take the time to read I greatly appreciate. I guess this can be a turning point and maybe I'll leave my verbose writing for my journal...cause no one ever reads that. Also to the individual that left the comment, I've like to know who you are and if you wish not to tell, that's ok too.

I think not.

2008-07-24T22:34:00.000-07:00

Reminiscing in the veracity of salacious seconds clicking to the drum beat of my heart, consumption of closure to characterized aspects has turned the tide. A musing attitude clearly conforms to my instinctive (and/or carnal) mind to initiate the perpetual process of reforming my productive thinking.

Tasting the sound of vibrant sentiments floating about really provides me the opportunity to vastly assist in an unknown atmosphere that I’m not quite yet assure of but yet, I completely know it’s the perfect simulation for further events to take place.

On a less likely to be taken serious note, what a challenge life events have brought forth to me in this stage of my life. I find myself in certain situations that in my mind could easily be precatory or even preparatory. I would hope that it’s in my favor and I’m not going to let a doubt precede my character, for it is supernal and ethereal. Recent happenings in my life tend to be both a chance to learn or to teach and given that blessing in both aspects, there isn’t more I could ask for right now. Solidifying exactness in His will places a sure testimony that I’m reckoned in precision placement. Being able to clearly understand that this has been a quest of it’s own but fulfilling through His eyes, purely gives me the undergoing of a pristine growth.

It’s not too often that I’m granted a chance that I feel I have control over. Seeing that I have been given an assignment to have a greater stewardship over certain individuals, this is the time I see for the work of the Lord to shine as men step up to do their best. Granted, at times they will talk with levity or jokingly but really, what an awesome learning experience it can turn out to be for those around him and also the best for himself. When right intentions are understood, great knowledge comes into play, but if it’s looked past with ease, the lesson to be learned has been forfeited. Someone that is in everyone’s life is there for a reason, what do you think?

Chance…. I think not.

My Ineffablity

2008-07-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

It happened so quick
I’m miss understood
No one really sees me
As they really should

Not a moment went by
That I thought in my mind
So many people around
A sore eye and blind

I keep pushing forward
All the ways that I know
But even that itself
Will never make it flow

Reacting the moment
Knowing who I am
Another kick to the face
And with gravity a slam

The past is gone
And the moment I cry
Really makes me wonder
Could this mean goodbye?

It happened so quick
I’m miss understood
No one really sees me
As they really should

A Miss Understanding.

2008-04-06T18:21:00.001-07:00

At times, I really don't think I'm meant to be understood.

Blank

2008-03-23T00:45:00.001-07:00

Standing still in patient moments in my life tends to end my security and my pillows tend to become wet. Musing on pivotal twinkles of life, reflections are pertinent to the very bearing of where I am going. A quote by a man of God stated after being asked about how to help wayward children, ”Don’t forget about the children that ARE doing what they should be doing.” Recalling experiences in my life, what a path I have traveled to be where I’m at today. My capricious wonderment of my potential has always concluded to elevated amazement and nothing short notorious thoughts. Ramifications I’ll never comprehend are slowing coming to fruition, but yet how do I know that they are to be? Certain blessings in my life has given me direction as to what I need to do in order to become exalted but yet has left me at the crossroads that don’t stop forking just as I believe I have arrived at my destination. Being this emotional has brought feelings that I haven’t ever had before as past feelings once again reverberate in my mind and life. Daily, I ponder hundreds of problems, ideas, thoughts and feelings pertaining to my reasoning of why I’m here at this time. I have a sliver of knowledge of what I did to be placed here at this time, but in return, I have a gargantuan gamut of what I should (supposed to) be doing but not always clear of how to get there, and that’s ok……

Sudden Changes.

2008-02-15T19:59:00.000-08:00

A promised blessing:

Everyday will be a day of learning or a day of teaching........

What I learned today is that Heavenly Father is ever so mindful of each of his children. As I sat there with my foot on the brake pedal, I watch this lady in front of me shuffle vigorously for who knows what in her purse. I still sat there as the light turned green, watching her ruffle through her purse and then she takes her foot off the brake pedal 1.5 complete seconds after the light had turned green. Watching the mooting of this lady, I then saw God's hand in her life when all the sudden this little toyota pick-up runs right through the red light. No more than 12 inches of matter passed between these vehicles.

".....this dude is so set in his ways!" Benny replies. Trevor interuppts, "There is a word for that called ossified." "You're too smart to be here Trevor!" Eric exclaims.

All I asked was to fit in and be understood. Oft it feels I'm living in a notional world, but IT is too true be fictional. I may feel I am negligible at times, but, without a doubt, permentantly you will find me being mercurial.

Is it all gone?

2008-01-11T00:29:00.000-08:00

betrayal : to lead astray

bereft : lacking something needed, wanted, or expected

irrevocable : not possible to revoke

"........you'll never find these in them nor try to seek that they have done these actions, Me Dear." Congruency is always implicit. Binding factors to allocate any intentions to meliorate life's situations is the best thing one can do. Circumstances at hand will always remonstrate one to ponder for either a nano-second or for a season to only excuse time and proliferate a needed additional knowledge.

Experiences will no longer determine my expectations as they have in the past but will entice me to further my understanding of what it will take to defer my will and exhaust my wants to be in the right place at the right time for once. Drubbed excessively, reiteration banned.

A yt thnk thy msndrstd m.

Shadow of the Day.

2008-01-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only way

[Chorus]
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you

In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only way

[Chorus]
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you

Review about Shadow Of The Day

leaving Reviewer: person 12/15/2007

this song is definately about the concept of leaving, whether it be a place, a person or life. to me this song is about a person who has to start a new life (or the end of their life) and the sorrow that follows their departure. i cant help but think its about a relationship that had to end due to external circumstances (like one of the people having to move away etc). whatever the meaning its a very moving song.

Meaning Reviewer: Anonymous 12/7/2007

When i listen to this song, i definately get the feeling that he's singing about suicide, but not a sudden one, rather one that's been long and drawn out. I see a person suffering from depression before finally taking his or her own life. I think that's what he means by "sometimes goodbye's the only way". The person comitting suicide sees their death as the only way out. "The sun will set for you", i think, is a refrence to how the sunset is the end of the day, thus a sunset would be the end of their life. I think the line "sometimes solutions aren't so simple" is saying that the simple solution to depression is just take some medicine and don't feel sad anymore, but in reality, the illness isn't that simple to conquer. I get the idea that it wasn't this person's first attempt at suicide with "In cards and flowers on your window, your friends all plead with you to stay." However, no matter what the meaning of the song is, it's beautiful.

Shadow Of The Day preformed by Linkin Park Reviewer: Rad 8/26/2007

Well for you that didn't seem to understand the lyrics, this is how I see it.(I'll go mostly by ph. but sometimes line by line{ I'm going to put the chorus at the end})So this person the song is about seems sick or in the hospital, the singer had closed the blinds so it's only them, or because he feels so down that watching even just the sun out side would be to cheerful. So assuming the person is sick with something like cancer where they think they have a solution like sugery isn't always the best choice and now it means they may have to say goodbye.The sick person obviously has people who hope and pray that they will get better, thus them "asking them[you] to stay", but it's obvious that this person wont live so it's the begining of a new life without them and the singer must truely say goodbye.Chorus:The singer feels that this person is so special or so powerful that even the sun, which bows to no one(figuratively) will set just for them, as the shadows embrace the world mourning for this person.well that's just my opinion sorry it sounds kinda sappy but that's what I see it as.

As seen above, you notice that people have their ideas of songs and what they mean. To me, a song tells you something words can not. What does the day bring? The sun sets only to say that there is another day a head of you. I really think the song is unfinished and it's up to us to write the last line of that song.

The Break Down Process

2007-12-18T03:07:00.000-08:00

Twists and turn in the past couple of weeks. I just found out today of when my last day in the NEG dept here at M* will be. My life is taking upon major changes that have come so sudden. To back up a bit, I have been informed of information that I never knew that influenced and enticed a self-evaluation to take place. As some words were exchanged, I was happy to know that I let my Heavenly Father put me through the breakdown process.

This breakdown was hard but needed to be done in order to prepare the way that has been aforementioned. The first week in November is when my walls crumbled, fell apart and were completely removed from my life. I took the whole day off to spend time with family, or so I thought, but long behold, it was a day of past reflection of who I was, where I went and what caused these feelings and make me the person I wanted to be. Inscrutable occurrences allured meticulous musing, and that’s when I cracked, broke down………I bawled.

In preparation to this process, I had to let it all go and tell Him I can't do it by myself. I had to trust Him 100% before any change would come. Nothing could be confined in me if I knew that I needed to give my will to my Father in Heaven so that my full potential could be incarcerated within the walls of this gift. As I think about it, it’s like the ending in Armageddon. You just can’t shoot a train with a BB gun and expected to change its attitude or course, but it was a great deal of drilling, understanding and……..a desire to make it happen for that rock to change the path.

That’s how it was for me. I had to let many things go and the moment that I did that, my character of being a Child of God was fully realized and that’s when everything that everyone thought about me, became irrelevant. As hard as it was to let go of those insecurities, but my happiness and self-worth was more important and now, I’m happier!
I can honestly say I understand the word wrestle that is used in the Book of Enos……because I’ve been there all because of the Enabling Power of the Atonement.

Oh boy!

2007-12-04T08:18:00.000-08:00

How I feel like a hypocrite at times. Changes of life are so sporadic and invigorating. I find it amazing that girls have, at their finger tips, the inheritance (from deity) to tactfully persuade guys like myself to just drop all previous experiences and just try one more time. I don’t know how things will turn out but it blows me away that I let some of these yearly built walls down so quick after a deceitful battle between good and chicks (yes EVIL!!)

I have so many mixed feelings with what is happening in my life with dating, school and work. I hope to start school here in the near future but I have applied for a position within my company that would require moving away. I have been praying that I will get the other job here in Utah and not be offered that position in DC. I’ve come across a girl that I find a lot of interest in and I have a date with her this weekend. I don’t know her that well but from the time that we have spent, she is very positive, happy and someone I have a lot of respect for.

The more and more I think about one of the things I said for that job in DC, I don’t think it’s going to work out. With the Law of Attraction at hand, better things are preparing the best things yet to happen. That other position here at M*, that if I got it, would be a miracle in itself.

I don’t have anything else to say.

Truth about Men

2007-12-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Cry ing is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping

What is WRONG with Women?

2007-10-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

I've heard you say it a million times but what ever comes of it. Why should I believe you if you are just going to play again and again. This doesn't help either of us and it most certainly isn't going to benefit the circumstances so honestly, what is your motive?

I'll never figure this out, I sure am no longer going to let something that isn't there thrive and overall, nothing is going to stop me from finding what makes me happy.

I transparently expressed my love and concern, and discarded it becomes. I throw away curiosity and interest and now....NOW you want more of it? Times like this is what is going to eat me alive and teach me more about myself and yet again, I take a painful step into reality but yet am that much stronger.

Just plain EVIL

2007-10-02T15:07:00.000-07:00

Out of all honesty, what does it take to convey ones individuality to secure success so that others my see the potential that lies within? I don’t know that I’ll ever come to the conclusion of that question but I can contribute to the idea that living in the manner of being you will always address the unknown outcome. She will never know what she doesn’t know about me and I don’t think she ever will. I honestly can’t explain why I liked her but that feeling will soon dissipate and I too shall become more prepared for someone far greater than she.

As you may wonder what in the world could have pushed me to this insanity, it’s easily elucidated in the vicinity of a vivid or brilliant self-importance. As an ongoing attempt to complete this process, I strive for a personal witness of one thing and one thing only. You too can have this witness if you let the spirit testify to you through the light of Christ that you have been blessed with. It’s found in a talk by Virginia H. Pearce titled the Grand Truths of Eternity. Now you might ask yourself why I don’t just come out and tell you the veracity of my intentions but what are you to learn if I just tell you? I dare not steal the infinite and measureless opportunity for you to be taught by your Father in Heaven. Its like those times when you are reading the scriptures, you come across something immaculate and you go to share it and it’s as if it’s no longer where you found it the forefend context made just for you. I can’t speak to you what the spirit wants you to hear, but you will hear what the spirit wants you to hear it when you’re studying or reading from your inhabited motives. A pure methodical ken will lead you and guide you to the celestialized aspiration. Now to tie this all back into what brought about this verbose text, I will lay it out for you.

Time is precious, and so are the Daughters of God. People say love is not a game, but yet why do we have so many players? I will be honest to my readers. I find no contentment in filibustering with my eternal salvation nor should one find it “fun” or “be confused about” to waste time in hopes that “it” works itself out. Sure it has taken time and effort to swing my understanding-sledge-hammer at the walls of “security” that’s taken me a life time to build, but those walls have created a fissure for people to peak at me and identify a witness of who I am.

So now that I’m done speaking my mind, all I ask of girls is that if you don’t know what you want, just say it. Please don’t play it off with time in hopes that he will just disappear, (because he wont) but be polite and say, “I’d rather spend time as friends first and if it moves forward from there, we could try it.” I can guarantee that 20 months of my life (5 different girls X 4 months) would have been different had I known…….you never were interested……

Heavenly Father knows best and I know he is looking out for me. I can testify that he is aware of me and is constantly working on me so that I my be thrusted back into the blacksmiths coals to yet be refined again in the beatings and refinement process that I’m about to under go.

I have forgiven and forgotten.

The passings of a friend

2007-09-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

Distraughtly walking into the chapel after a member of the Bishop Bric asked us to come together, we all wonder why we were conjoining back into the chapel.

The elders quarm president, Dan Taylor took his next step towards progression today....to a more exalted sphere.

I never sobbed so hard. Unexpected occasions happen, that's what slapped me in the face. A defining moment in my life made me weep. I have so many corrections to make in my life and it seems like past experiences didn't hit me hard enough. It'll be hard to see him go, but at the same time, how grateful I am to have the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. Saying a prayer in my heart for his family, I only pray that they will have the enabling power of the atonement working in their lives as they recognize that all will be well.

I'll miss you Dan

Spoken words on a keyboard.

2007-07-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

I was once told that when you want to write, you are to just let the words fall as they may and then go back and fix them. Seeing how this is just a basic entry, I really don't care to go back and fix anything because I rather be known for what I have to say then try to butter up my words (even though I do at times) Spoken verbatim, at least for me, there are times when I hope that people will do one of two things when I'm speaking. Whether it be in a crowd, teaching, or just a one on one moment to seize, is when I pray that it's understood. I know that I'm not the best of person to open up when explaining these things but I think in honestly, it's one of the few things I can justify when I say it's a guy thing.

One: When a guy is talking........just listen, don't add to what he's already dealing with, he'll work it out, really. So, just listen.

Two: If he asks a question, just answer it, please don't answer with a question because that doesn't help us one bit, EVER! oh yeah, and if there isn't a question, don't try to answer what he is sharing with you, he's doing that, just sharing.

Iscrutable experiences are at times what keeps us going for the sense of adventure and we need in order to succeed and find self-worth. Not all at once will certain happenings acknowledge our needs but it sure has a lot to teach us. If at times there is a blank stare of ken in our minds eye, there is more to be sought then just the adverage answer that soceity will fill your head with. Welp!

Fate

2007-07-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

This is a email that I sent to a couple of friends and found it interesting. Just thought I would post it here.

Carolyn & Mike Lesch,

It's great to hear from you, I apologize it's taken me so long to get back to you. I'll be moving out of my house (cause I still live at home) and I'm going to take my 87 comanche with me. I'll then start the tear-down process and learn the ins and outs of my jeep because I bought a new comanche....haha. I want to learn everything I can about it. My newer Jeep (new to me) is a 90 comanche eliminator. I've decided to go all out, but I dont have a picture yet. However, here are the specs:

8" lift

cut finders

35X12.5

Dana 44 rear w/power on lockers

MileMarker Hub conversion kit front

94 cherokee motor

4.88 gears

quick release sway bar

3.88 Atlas Transfer case with independant axle shifters

and an exterior roll cage

I'll have to get you a picture soon, it's pretty sweet look'n! I can't wait to take it down to moab. I'm thinking about going with my Brother in Law who is way experienced and fun to go with in October, who knows. How are things going in your neck of the woods? My dad is running for mayor here in ogden and keeping me busy.

Mike, occasionally I reminisce about our trip and the short time we had down there but when I was thinking about that trip the other day and our conversation on FATE. When I was trying to explain that it's not so much that we become upset at fate but we need to look at the picture and think what "fate" was trying to teach us. So, let me back up a bit and explain my new addition of knowledge.

I remember commenting that fate is bound to happen.....however, my thoughts have changed on that. The other day I was I think at church and someone made a comment that I don't think anyone else took into consideration, but he said...."don't temp fate"

That gave me a whole new meaning because fate is what WILL happen and NOT supposed to happen when you make a decision that isn't meant to be. Now in spiritual terms, people will tell you that God has a plan for you and everything is according to his will. However, in his will, there are two paths that we can take in order to understand and learn for our better knowledge of why we are here and what we are supposed to learn. His path is not fate, it's destiny.

Destiny is the will or principle caused by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do because of choices we make.

Fate is defering the understanding and knowledge to be learned, is left up to us on how we learn... not Gods way, because gods way will teach you so well that you don't question what is being taught, but if you have to teach yourself, can you learn everything you need to about that situation?

And then the second part ties right into what we were talking about that night. It's not so much to judge fate and ask ourselves "are we to hate or blame fate for this?" but to ask, what is to be taught here.

As I think of an inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition, or end, fate would fit that slogan but so would destiny, it just depends on how you recognize the two!

Well, I won't bore you much anymore but I'd love to hear from you again and I'll try to get a picture to you soon!

Take Care,

Trevor Hansen

I never really thought of it being that way but when the Lord intends for you to learn something, one way or another, it's going to happen. And when you think about it, he's such a wonderful parent because he's always teaching us with guidance and commandments to utilize in our daily lives! How amazing!

ok ok I know

2007-06-26T15:51:00.000-07:00

well it just looked cool!

Who would have known?

2007-06-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

In cleft spaces, memories are forthcoming in which I hope erudition is obtained. When people are around me are deficient in contributing to fortifying their wonts, dissipation takes it’s place and comprehension of me, a Son of God, goes dormant and crawls right back into that cleavage.

The insensitive finite thoughts that render the source to enable an effect of actions are what cause the bypass of learning about a Soul. I feel like people do that so often to me. Just one of many times I’ll share. Having these sensations for this individual, I always persuaded myself to think that if I could just make things work, this could turn into something far greater than I could ever foresee. Holding close to the experiences and times that I spent with her, I’ll never replace them with meager selfishness thoughts of; what did I do wrong?

Times have since moved on and explanations are no longer elucidated. If the time comes for a conversation that leads to other movement in life, so be it. But as for myself, my decision has been made and I have had to move on due to time constrains and the desire of another being.

All of this thought process came because of a discussion. But the bottom line of the feelings I have is that I know and understand that I’m an elect Son of God…….
……Striving for 100%

Joys of new beginnings

2007-05-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

Starting my new jobs at Market Star is amazing. I'm a National Event Manager and have the say for what goes in my Region, I love it. I never thought that I would in a managing position but I kind of like it. Yeah, it has its ups and downs but the best additive about it is the people I work with and the environment. I don't think I could ask for better people to be around and know that they are here to help me. The validation of the blessings of the Lord is always recognizable when you really want to see it, you may have to ask at times, but it's always feasible if you really want it bad enough. It has taken me six months to find a job that I finally looked forward to applying for but in return, I know that I'm not only her for a job. One of the reasons I know that I'm here is because of who I am. The other day, I sent this email to a gal that I work closely with and I told her how much I appreciate what she does and for making my job easier. In return, she mentioned that out of all the NEG Managers (like 8 or 9 of ) I have been the only one to thank her for what she is doing. I know that it'll make a difference for her and for me in the work environment.

Baby Laughs

2007-05-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

Laughing baby...HILARIOUS!!!

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Every day encounter....

2007-04-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

Pros and cons of living at home take their toll. I for one wish I could move out and be on my own for awhile just to test out the wakes of life and to see how well I can handle it. I understand that when you move out, you're not only paying rent ( or payments), bills, food and the cost of living, but the very lucrative experience of living on your own and having 100% freedom in the everyday choices that you face. There isn't a day go by where some one questions what I'm doing, or what is being done to do what I should be doing. I understand completely the responsibilities that I have living under this roof that I'm thankful for but is there ever any give and take?
grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
There are times that I strive to make the best of all things but often it takes a number and is emotionally sifting me often. There are the little things that keep my head above water and treading lightly, prayers and studies. But in a recent conversation I had with a close friend, the basics of scripture study and verbal prayers will not reach to the law of minimum/maximum. The law of minimum/maximum is the actions you live by in order to obtain revelation for yourself to know whether the spirit will corroborate your choices. Just like the importance of putting your calling before everything else while your single.

Basic Learning Curves

2007-04-18T11:47:00.001-07:00

Just last night I had the opportunity to talk with one of my buddies about the situations in life and how it can help us become the people we are this very day and age!

The conversation started out in discussing how society controls the circumstances or views that girls think when it comes to a guy asking them out…

Me personally, I don’t have a problem just randomly walking up to a girl and asking her out if I’m in the right situation to ask her (such as a church activity or I can see that it’s in my favor to help the situation) then I’m all game, but when she is around her friends and she questions whether to say yes or no because of what her friends think, is where things get rough! As I ponder the very situations where I have become involved, it was all because the girls I approached have thought on their own, no outside help was granted. I personally am content with being single and will be until love unfolds, but the dating games and girls playing them are what get on my nerves. I just recently read a comment from a girl on myspace and she said that guys need to stop being jerks and to stop breaking girls hearts but does she understand that it is a two way street? Makes me wonder.

When it comes down to putting myself out there, there is a lot I’m willing to stake but yet getting tired of chasing transparent desires someone has put out there. I’m not one of much to speak of but when it comes to pushing the goal of striving for eternal progression, I can’t let anything get in the way, nor will I let anything stop it.

2007-04-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

Being pushed up against the wall
Not being able to figure out why
People say it will be all ok

Sitting in one place that no one knows
And pondering what is really going on
People say it will be all ok

Understanding the cause of your purpose
To enlighten the path where the foot meets the road
People say it will be all ok

Being forgotten when the party is over
All because you were being yourself
People say it will all be ok

People say it will all be ok
And people still say it will be ok
But when they attempt to judge you because they've walked a mile in your shoes...........why should they care.......they have your shoes and are a mile away?

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

2007-03-29T14:15:00.001-07:00

no body cares ...........oops................do you care?

Passing of time.

2007-03-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

Within these very words are works of verity. I'm not too sure there are more than 2 people that read this one being myself. For people who care to really snatch the opportunity to seek me out, here it is. I often do lack in explaining a lot of things but I'm careless in hiding many more things because it's so much easier to be understood than to be sought. I think about the many things I talk about with a choice friend that seems so interested in my God-given knowledge that I sometimes wonder if that's why she sticks around (which I know it isn't the ONLY reason).

The longing for friends is still a player in my mind and something I'm consistently working at. One of the biggest frustrations I'm always battling is just that, of putting myself out to a level of vulnerability and chance. Who is life isn't out to make a few friends? I'm myself will never fight to be found with the group that is almost unoticeable however, the leaves may fall where unwanted experiences occure but the more I see it come to pass, all people have a general impact on someone.

ok so maybe I won't finish this entry because that is all that is supposed to be intended so there you have it.

Remember

2007-02-15T11:17:00.000-08:00

Reputation - Click for def.

Character - Click for def.

In my eyes from the two: Reputation is the search in which man is after when he's forgotten his purpose. And Character is based upon your relationship with God for he DOES know who your true character is.

Many a time in life, the search for mans happiness is inscrutable because of how erratic ones vision has become in life. I know that at times when I'm feeling down or depressed, it's at the moment there should follow with a self-evaluation that helps you refocus on the little things that can be worked out line upon line, precept upon precept. The verity of the situation is, too often we seek out the luxuries of life when in fact it should come down to the relevancy of how one is to act upon the knowledge that they have been blessed with. We always find ourselves trying to run this duple rhythm when in fact we are completely out of line with His ideas and His will but yet if we can modify that "ONE" self-inflicted encumbrance all because of the loss vision, life becomes easier.

If you take a look at this picture of a bamboo tree, what do you see different than any other tree or do you even notice anything? That's perfectly fine if you don't notice it but let me point out something a Filipino taught me while serving my mission in that beautiful place of the

Philippines. As this bamboo tree is fully flourished, at the top it's hung over to the point of the tip is pointing back down at the earth. It reaches to it's limits only to point itself down back at the ground, why? The same analogy as a wheat in the tare that is found in the scriptures. How does wheat stand when it has no seed? Straight up, as if it is the only one, no different from the others. When it fact that stalk has no seed which represents character. Same as this bamboo, replete of it's seed, remembers its maker. And bows.

Now think of yourself. Are you worried about your seed being harvested or fallen? If it is to be harvested, what will happen? A countless number of things will come about.....If it is to be fallen.... you become lost, alone and selfishly thinking you are forgotten.

These seeds that we are blessed, is a part of our character. Giving us experience that we soon draw upon to have a complete grok of what we are to become. I was attending institute and while we were talking about the discussion we had in Helaman 14:30 and that's when this thought found a fissure into my mind.....

"Often we forget that trials and tribulations are the process in which we build our character to that standard in which makes our potential obtainable or reachable."

Its interesting how we seem to want to stand up straight but forget what it takes to keep us up and going all at the same time. But in the end, we must accept that only through certain ways will we be able to accomplish those journies that teach us in the appreception ways that the Lord uses.

Frustrations or Learnings?

2007-02-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

This time seems to be a stand-still point in my life as I strive to learn of where I need to go and what I need to do. I've been really particular lately about certain aspect pertaining to my life and it is quite the journey this has turned into as I thought that I wouldn't need to look at it so much.

......... new topic...............

I have been cleaning out my room/other places that my stuff has been found in and it's amazing what a person can write at the age they are.

I was looking through this box that I had saved from middle school and high school and came across this letter that I wrote to this girl that I really like in seminary. I completely chased her away because I never saw her again and I'm sure that if I received a letter like that when I was a senior and he was a sophomore, I wouldn't know what to think. That letter I tossed because of the negativity in it. It really wasn't that bad but I was expressing my concern to someone I saw that gave me a chance to let them see who I was......man was I off. The one time Shayla talked to me, she showed interest, and that moment sparked interest that I could very well find a friend in high school. With the letter I attached.........

~*~* You Mean a Lot to Me ~*~*
Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them....when the moment you can feel them under your fingertips you miss them? Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wish you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone that you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...but if you don't you might break theirs. Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn't like. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on it's own and when you least expect it, or ever when you don't want it to, it's bound to happen. Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you have it? Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much....for the fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all. Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever? Or fell for a close friend (maybe a best friend) in the entire world, and then watched him/her fall for someone else? Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid....afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie...the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No on waits forever...but if someone does.......I'll be there for you

**I'll be there**
When no one is there for you and you think that no one cares
**I'll be there**
When the whole world walks out on you and you think that you're alone
**I'll be there**
When the one you care about the most couldn't careless about you
**I'll be there**
When the one you gave your heart to and throws it in your face
**I'll be there**
When the person you trusted betrayed you
**I'll be there**
When the person you share all your memories with and even forgets your birthday
**I'll be there**
When all your need is a friend and someone to listen to you whine
**I'll be there**
When all your need is someone to catch your tears
**I'll be there**
When your heart hurts so bad and you can't even breathe
**I'll be there**
When you just want to crawl up and die and when you start to cry
**I'll be there**
After hearing that sad song or when the tears just won't stop falling
**I'll be there**
So you see **I'll be there** for you and this is a promise I can make if you ever need me just give me a call and............**I'll be there**

I think about this experience and what it entails. I had a recent conversation with a friend about the removal of walls and the fundamentals of what it can do for us The mighty change of heart that is bound to happen when you accompany your desire to desecrate these wall and the will of the Lord, the moment verifies the action of blessings to be poured upon us because I no longer become the victim of being acted upon. What a miracle that is in itself to see that we become agents unto ourselves and the purpose of life no longer evolves around us.

My friend that visits so often

2007-01-24T18:44:00.001-08:00

Please leave your name if you read this! Thanks

Faith

2007-01-24T18:17:00.000-08:00

More less than often I get these urges to dive intricately thru the scriptures, doctrine and many other resources to prolong my knowledge in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

My latest topic would be that of a simple ken, prevalently spoken of and calmly applied to draw the powers of heaven. We......I too often forget the walls that must contain my faith and therefore, I struggle to seize the blessing at hand and wait for a more transparent opportunity to recognize.

A pattern of success is constituted by acts of faith shown by: Trust in the Lord, Obedience to His commandments, Sensitivity to the spirits promptings and exercising patience and understanding that God, over a matter of time will answer your prayers, according to His will that best fits us. It's a simple understanding that God uses YOUR faith to mold YOUR character.

However, a question that proceeds my thoughts is: What verifies my character? To me, my character is made up of my success and my success is verified by all my mistakes that it's taken me to get there. Ok, maybe, maybe not, but the fact is there is a compound that regulates our faith in accordance with action. That compound is: Doctrine, Principle, and Obedience. Application of all three requirements weaves your Divine character.

"Faith is not only the principle of action, but is also the principle of power in all intelligents beings, whether in heaven or on earth."

That very quote itself remedies that God himself must act upon Faith also to carry out his will/purpose. If you behold the promises that He shows, Mormon 9:21 does a prime effort to tenderly teach us that humble prayer accompanied with faith shows that if we are truly in tune with His divine work ship, .........your wish is my command.......

I wish my thoughts would continue!!!! Grrrrrrr.... times like this I wonder why my mind jumps around and my thoughts seem to go right out the window???!!!

Dedication

2007-01-17T21:47:00.000-08:00

A man who has decided that he will BECOME, not strive to be!
If I only had that talent! I love it!!!

Stupid Email part 2

2007-01-16T10:23:00.001-08:00

RED

1. Are you currently mad at someone?
Nope

2. Which of your friends has the worst temper?
Brodie Morrison

3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?
Haha, sure have

4. Does your face turn red when you're angry?
I don't get that mad, I just get sad and then make them feel bad.

5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell/scream?
Yell but I try not to get to that point

6. How do you deal with stress?
I don't......it eats me alive

ORANGE

1. Has anyone ever thrown you a suprise party?
Nope

2. Are you easily excited?
Not really unless I'm street racing

3. What event is coming up that your most excited about?
Jan 17, 2007 I'm speaking in a high school.

4. Which of your friends is most excitable?
Brandy

5. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought?
RETIREMENT!

6. If you could have anything right now what would it be?
Eternal Life

YELLOW

1. NAME?
Trevor N. Hansen

2. Where were you born?
Ogden , UT

3. What is your main goal in life?
Live up to my Character

4. Do you want to have kids?
Yes

5. How do you want to die?
exciting, however

GREEN

1. Do you like this color?
Nope

2. Gay Marriage?
That's retarded, and so will be your children

3. Lowering the drinking age?
Who is going to tell you how old you have to be to drink?

4. Recycling?
yeah, sure

BLUE

1. What was your latest dream?
I prefer not to talk about it.

2. Have any of your dreams come true?
Nope

3. Do you usually remember your dreams?
Sometimes

4. What was the weirdest dream you've ever had?
Watching myself die

PURPLE

1. Straight, Gay, Bi?
Straight

?? Where did number 2 go??

( gay and bi ranaway with it)

3. Do you have a crush?
Nope

4. Who is the best "hugger" that you know?
By far..............Brandy

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in Lust at first sight.

Ya know, I don't know how many people really read these things and a lot of people always want to know about ME and who ME is. I love answering these questions because it explains why you are the way you are, not who you are. I look at these and just laugh because, honestly, who cares about the email itself? Ya, your friends care to know, but they don't care for the email....I love it.......oh hey, look another one!!

1. Who was the first person you talked to in 07?
Brandy

2. The first person you hugged?
Brandy

3. The first person you called?
Brandy

4. The first person you texted?
Brandy

5. The first drink you drank?
Apple cider

6. The first person that called you?
Brandy

7. The first person that texted you?
Anybody guess.....Brandy

8. Have you talked to all of your top 8 yet?
Yep

9. Any of them?
(i think I should take #9 out)

10. Who was the 1st person to hang up on you?
No one has done that to me ever

11. What was the first thing you watched on TV?
I don't watch tv that often

12. Who was the first person you thought of?
Brandy, who else?

13. What was the first thing you ate?
Candy

14. What were you wearing at midnight?
Nothing, I was running around naked, what else would I have on? clothes!

15. First Kiss?
Brandy

16. First fight?
It wasn't a fight, it was a discussion......with Brandy

17. First Laugh?
Brandy

18. First person to say 'I love you'?

My family and Brandy.

Does anybody see a pattern here? Yeah.......I do..........

Stupid Email Junk for EVERYONE

2007-01-15T18:30:00.001-08:00

1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No

2. What song describes your relationship status? Stay with me....Clint Mansell

3. How much does your dog weigh? Why does it matter, he'd still taste the same :)

4. Are you a heart breaker, or the heart breakee? It's been mutual

5. Ever waxed your legs? Nope

6. Earrings or necklaces? necklaces

7. Who have you talked to most today? Myself

8. Do you listen to sad or happy songs when you're sad? I listen to my "chill" playlist

9. Friend of the opposite sex that lives closest to you? West Point

10. Color of your shirt your wearing? White

11. Who's the first on your favorites list on myspace? Myspace is an abomination

12. Who's on speed dial 5? I don't have that many people to put on speed dial

13. What color is your background on your computer mainly? Grey

14. Do you wish on 11:11? Nope

15. Good advice if you ever go camping? Don't take anything that belongs to civilization

16. Are you a bad influence? I try not to be

17. What color are your eyes? black ok....dark dark brown

18. Would you rather have your name or your siblings name? Mine

19. Would you do anything for someone? for the most part

20. Have you ever been called a whore? Yeah, acutally I have been.

21. Favorite color(s)? grey blue and clear

22. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot? not really

23. What song is on? Techno

24. Are your grades good? 2.7

25. When was the last time you cried? Last week

26. Are you a virgin? Yes

27. Does your best friend have a myspace? I don't think so

28. Who's page did you last visit? Brandy's blog

29. What did you do on your last real date? Ummm......REAL date......I took her up to the top of willard peak, cooked stakes and laid under the stars.

30. Do you watch the Gilmore Girls? Never, bad memories

31. Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson? Yes

32. Do you enjoy watching the O.C.? Never seen it

33. Do you have one or more Britney Spears C.D.s? Nope

34. Which radio stations are your favorites? Radio Sucks

35. Are you a Lost fanatic? Nope, never seen it

36. Still have pictures of your Ex? Yes and she's one of my best friends

37. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library? You bet

38. Alanis Morrisette? yep

39. Do you watch Family Guy regularly? Naw, cant stand it

40. King of the Hill? sometimes

Admit it

41. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car? nope just causally in tune

42. Do you sing obnoxiously in the shower when no one's home? No, what a way to ruin a perfect shower

43. Have you ever watched a little kid's show when you were over 12? yeah and I still do

44. Do you ever think about your ex? Of course, who doesn't?

The Necessary Love Questions That Aren't So Necessary

45. What's your favorite love quote? If love isn't a game.....why are there so many players

46. Have you ever pretended your crush was with you when they weren't? no

47. Did you draw pictures for your first crush back in elementary school? Never really had a crush

48. Have you ever liked a girl/boy but didn't ask her/him out because you were afraid? Yes, who hasn't?

49. Have you ever written a poem or story about your life? yes but they always end up complete

50. Have you ever spent over an hour thinking about nothing but your crush? Nope

51. Have you ever liked someone solely for their appearance? nope

52. Have you ever really been in love? Yes

The Questions You Love: Completely and Utterly Pointless Ones

53. Do you ever freak out about cleanliness or organization? Not uless I want to impress someone

54. Have you ever been to South America or Africa? Nope

55. Do you know how to knit? I used to

56. Do you find yourself attractive? If I have a smile on my face

57. Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them in your profile? No

58. Do you keep a diary or journal online? kind of

59. Has a song ever made you cry? Haha, of course! It's posted here

Truly Unusual This or That Questions

60. Baskin Robbins or Cold Stone? Cold Stone for sure!!

61. Physics or chemistry? Chemistry, passed with an apple a day

62. Mayonnaise or Miracle Whip? Mayonnaise

63. Pink or teal? teal, pink is of the devil

64. Earrings or a ring? Rings

65. Commitment or casual dating? Depends, but if you find someone you really like, commitment

66. Dominoes or Pizza Hut? Pizza is pizza

67. Fly or road trip? As long as it's point A to point B

68. Starbucks or Caribou? I've only been to Starbucks,

Another Wave of Random Questions

69. What is your favorite Disney movie? Mulan!!

70. How much jewelry do you own? Very little

71. Have you ever bought clothing at Sears? No

At a loss for words

2007-01-04T17:58:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like you have a multitude of words to express yourself but in the attempt to say them, you're bound?

That's how I feel right now. There are so many happenings in my life right now, I wish I could understand them all. Some are life threatening and others you just want to disperse because they appear irrelevant to life? My efforts to understand seem disproportionate because as much as I strive to know what means what, nothing comes. The topics of study I chose, appear to be beaten to a pulp do to the lack of familiarity but I come to believe it's not that but a mear mote that's not connecting the last thought to the blessing. That's my struggle.

Repeated attempts to broaden my knowledge seems to show but never seems to feel complete, well at least to me.

I always find myself finishing these entries days at a time, cut apart in thought and still wonder why I'm sitting here writing. I'm not much of a writer but I do enjoy sharing those particles of information I've been handed thru lengthy processes.

What is everything coming to? Is it me or time? Can the key be understood before it should be?
In my mind, it would help because then you can better prepare yourself for the upcoming events but in a way still learn from them. I myself, still have a multitude of learning's to be had but I stumble with progression, ease and appreciation for the want of being. How my mind processes the things it does, also amazes me but how is it that it sounds so well at speaking but yet bluntly deranged?

A lot of self-evalutation is brought about and there are many things that I'm learning but yet fearing that learning.

.

2007-01-01T20:31:00.000-08:00

you've added me, you've dropped me
you've helped me, you've shuned me
you've blessed me, you've neglected me
you've showed me, you've left it to me

Friends are there to help, not to hurt. Those that really and truely stick around are those you know should not doubt are there for you. At times we forget that our friends have lives too and sometimes we take for granted the conversations that help us understand when we catch up with them.

I know I have friends that I need to talk to and friends I talk to often, but knowing that I have something to share with all of them is what makes me a good friend.

I promise

2006-12-29T00:53:00.001-08:00

Te quiero!

The simplicity of word

2006-12-29T00:31:00.000-08:00

What you miss the most sometimes isn't understandable until it's encircling you. To hold you, love you, seek you and know you is what makes that that. Only we can say what IT is or what IT can do for us but once IT is there, you know.

To know me is to find me, to find me is to seek me, to seek me is to know me, to know me is to talk to me, and to talk to me, you must love me. Big or small words may come, its under the lines of communication. Tears may come and go but the important knowledge to know about tears is that they release endorphins in your body that are healthy.

Some moment I wish I had.

There is a lot of emotion in that one very thing and it's waiting to be released but yet I don't know how I can bring that about with correct intentions, ya know, not doing it just to do it, but have reason, explanation and direction.

All I can say is that amazement can be the
testimony to completion in ones life and
meet the needs, and that's why you're amazing.

What men know about women............

2006-12-28T00:45:00.000-08:00

Pry my tears and release my pain
Cry my tears and stop me from running insane

Pry my tears and take all guilt away
Cry my tears, only to bring me a brighter day

Pry my tears, and take away my stress
Cry my tears; to be with you I’ve truly been blessed

Pry my tears, sing me a song
Cry my tears and no longer will I be alone

Pry my tears and please forgive me
Cry my tears and just help me be

Pry my tears through ups and downs
Cry my tears and erase my frowns

Pry my tears and let me dream
Cry my tears and show me what true love really means

Pry my tears just like before
Cry my tears and then let it rain no more

The grid

2006-12-27T23:58:00.000-08:00

Life: Opposition in all things; happiness and sadness
Men's thoughts: paced out, in chunked sections (for the most part)
Women's thoughts: Consistently ongoing, analyzing, mindful

Being on these terms of grounding, has not been easy. Not a road to be traveled nor thought of, unless discipline is absent. Having no job and being put on probation is not making any sense until the thought of this. This perhaps being a prerequisite or in-mind preparation for the fore coming events that will occur. Not an hour goes by without me thinking of her, what she's doing, my concerns for her feelings and I would think why don't I call her or proliferate my communication with her and it comes to the lack of self-mastery. I fear her having to bear my burdens along with her own. How could I be so selfish? Is that not one of the covenants we take upon ourselves at baptism? So what hinders me from making that phone call or pushing myself to have that contact.......I guess a trade in the same sense, if she's going to bear mine, I WANT to bear hers, it's only fair. I'm starting to realize what things I'm taking for granted, like not being so grateful for this genuine soul that is blessing my life all because of her tenacity to exemplify her desires to live a celestial life. I think it's selfishness that keeps me up all hours of the night......really.....why would I be pouring out this thick-inner thoughts at am hours of the day?

She's the closest person to me that understands me, my life, my happenings, fears and jovial moments. How could I not want to talk to her?

I think this is where I recognize yet another imperfection of thoughtlessness. There is no reason for me to NOT call. I will make a change in my life, not just for that but for many reasons that will determine the path of others that come into my life.

I would guess she is wondering why I don't call or am distant, because I have been. How could I do this? But it does make me envisage of why she doesn't call......

I love to see the differences of how we think, and what brightened learning it brings

Woman: "It's cold in here."
Man: "Feels fine to me"
In all hopes, she makes that statement for him to get off his duff and turn up the furnace, get her a blanket, sit next to her to warm her, or just do something to fix the cold. However, he's thinking what he was before the intercession "feels fine to me" came. It was momentarily, not welcome to stay, didn't fit in the current picture. That's why he did nothing, because no action was asked to be carried out. That problem could easily be fixed. She could do it herself, or ask him to do it, simply understood....right? It should be, but isn't. And that's what makes us applicable the vary situations we're in.

A mourning for comprehention to understand; I only hope we are one in knowing all is good and that joy will explode. Please don't stop loving me.

I wish we would all accept a hug! All the same - Sick puppies

2006-12-25T21:21:00.000-08:00

I encourage you to watch the video, and then go back and read the lyrics while you listen to it!

Are you willing to make a change??

I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly

I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long are you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long are you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
I's all the same

In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same

Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Falling or Fumbling Words?

2006-12-20T20:56:00.000-08:00

There are so many things that I wonder about and ask myself why does it have to be that way? It varies from conversations to situations to consequences and so on. But what is wrong with one view verses the worlds view? Events in my life push me to fore go other paths just because of what I think about various thoughts that provoke my decisions. There is nothing intellectual nor flamboyant about the way I think or talk but my secrets lay within the walls of a contained apperception. My savvy is one that is under construction but I'm consistently laying the foundation for a better ken of what my capacities are. Pushing myself to comprehend my self-enticed goads in life make me wonder why I do the things I do.

Experiences come and go but few find a place to stay depending if I want to make a wont out of it or not. But the purest knowledge you can obtain is by those you associate yourself with. I often wonder if the information I share with those around me really do benefit as much as I see their actions and flicker a mote of a desire to change all because of the way I was treated...yes.....that's a hard lesson for some of us to learn is WE must be the bigger person and GIVE it first before getting it...that's just how life is.......

Experience or Book Smarts?

2006-12-09T17:00:00.000-08:00

The number of times you ascertain from a repeated mistake will never compensate for the learning experience of the hard way. How often do we think of the little things we're doing to help us understand the authenticity of habitual actions? I know I don't parse enough thoughts or actions in that aspect until it's been brought to my attention from someone other than myself, seeing how I don't do too well recognizing those exploitments. It's elements (being our learnings) is a set course that has two definite answers or as we understand it, blessings..............and............consequences. There is no other way knowledge is wrought but through those very two adamant teachings. Many a time we hear about problems people struggle with, a few times I’ve heard this referred to as “favorite sins” but, how many of us eagerly wait to be anxiously engaged in a great cause such as: Service, magnifying our callings in life or religious aspects, strive to make someone happier or just plain act in good behavior just because we want to. I think we often vary our course of verity that we “think” we are on but are far off because of the justification that we entitle to ourselves through our agency, trying to deny those truths so elucidating and transparent. The walks of life is a manageable experience that we should all be happy to take on accompanied with responsibility to show forth the egotistical confidence we exhibit but not let it become overflowing. That’s a part of life right there. Finding the middle ground between two diverse worlds per say, and landing that mediocre thinking of how different things work and finding that is nonpareil. There are many charishable moments in our malignant world and it has a lot to offer if we are but willing to search out those things that teach us along the way while in our journey to find a single answer to our questions. I've had to train myself to not want an instant gradification when it comes to learning because you bypass some of the most valuable information when studied out correctly and thought upon heavily. Well, I shall finish this and say, that's all I have for right now.

You and Me - Lifehouse

2006-12-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive

Blinking 12:00

2006-12-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

As the moon light graces your face, and the steam rises from the encircleing water, a countenance comes out. Understatements are attempted and tried in conclusion to a failure because the words that should come with these ineffable feelings aren't able to be presant either. Sentimental moments spent on a higher plain has an exhilerating explaination as if you are a clock blinking twelve.

People who have affables awaiting them are like clocks that are blinking twelve. You walk by them, you talk to them, and who knows, you may even be one. In hopes, you keep blinking that someone, someday will pass by you and happen to glance and see that nothing has changed but in reality, you know the date and time but refuse to let anyone else know until they press the right buttons. Or, know the very fissures to slide in that crack in this "wall" that you have built and supposidly won't let anyone in. As if this picture was you........

and then us

looking in.
I think no matter how long one thinks that he or she will keep this all built up and never let go......I can promise that that'll change over a course of time wheather you want it to happen or not. Thru understanding the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the true way to accept that this will happen is to know that an Atonement has been made. Growing closer to those you love, you start to see what they really are. You may be infactuated with them, then again you may not, but as the truth expounds and stays consistent you have nothing more to worry about than unlocking the door from the inside.

Can't fake it.

2006-12-01T17:28:00.000-08:00

The crack of a bat.
The swoosh of the net.
The snap of a glove.
The splash from a dive.
And the ding from a driving Iron.

All these sounds are something we live for but yet can't duplicate by scientifically ways. Same with the feelings of what we express through 3 unwary words. I Love You. It never really hit me of the power behind those words because I never used them outside my family matters, never really needed to......until recently. Understanding the ineffable arrays of unspoken words, it's amazing how you can feel that fire (and fire is just a mote of what I felt) without ever having to explain it. It'll only arise at the time it should and can't ever have nor find a counterfeit. Have you ever tried to hit a golf ball with a bat and expect that "Craaaaaaaaaaaaaackk" noise to come from it, if you tried, I can guarantee that you failed miserably, I've been there. Very few times I've told someone I loved them and for the first time, I said because I contemplated, pondered, questioned and forethought it before it fell from my lips. It not only meant something to me but also to the person I said it to. It's definitely something I hope to live for for the rest of my life, just as if I were to make mine own snap of the glove..........of swoosh of the net.

"Welcome To My Life" - Simple Plan

2006-11-28T15:38:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Nothing original

2006-11-18T10:44:00.000-08:00

First things first

Effortless time being spent in one thing brings about pointless results.

As I ponder oft about the endeavors of life, it's amazing to see how prevalent the Lord is in teaching us in his utmost undeviating ways. I put my two weeks in at my current job at Wonder Bread as a route driver and I felt the support from the Lord that I did the right decision but in a weird way, felt like I was letting Brian down. (my boss) I didn't think I was going to become emotional from gaining the courage to talk to him about that and it was relevant to both him and I, that we understand my character and what I brought to the company. I told him that I, by far, was the fortunate one to have him as my boss and from that point on, we exchanged many a word by complements and support. He understands that I need to take care of myself and do what Trevor needs to do in order to move in the direction that will tailor the rest of his career opts.

Well, in comparison to what other things have happen, I tend to see the realities of what I hope to never go thru but yet understand I'll need those experiences to survive the life to come. These entries, I guarantee will just around but to ensure your understanding, I'll try to write more often.

Aww...... Fresh Meat.

2006-11-15T16:20:00.000-08:00

The more and more I read my verbose lines of chicken scratch in notes, journals and various other places, I thought I would give this a shot and let people know a little more about me. This is the first thing you should read before any other entry so you'll find it at the first of EVERY entry just so you'll understand a bit better, however, if you've read this once, just bypass that hypertext and you're good to go.

This is my disclaimer that spelling errors stand as MY perfection until I refuse to correct them.......but for those that can only spell so many words only one way, I feel bad, it's like there is a lack of character for those that think they are perfect but aren't. I'm sorry if I just bursted your bubble but, reality check, Matt 5:48 (read the footnote of Perfection). So, I will tell you that these entries may or may not be thought processes, adventures, feelings and or imagination but in fact are the things I wish to say.......so read on...............

What Happened?

2006-02-02T22:44:00.000-08:00

What I wanted to do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhM0XnuCpj0

What you did to me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22CrTnzFrak

What I ask.
(Lyrics are explict)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7JCcHOnMyw

How I feel.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu9uxGP5nL0